Uchiha vs Uchiha
by mandisenpai5145
Summary: After coming returning from his secret mission. While he didn't expect to be welcomed whole-heartedly by his only daughter, he didn't expect this. The great Sasuke Uchiha being pranked by his daughter.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hey everyone! I hope you like my new story featuring the Uchiha family! This fanfiction will be written mostly from Sasuke's and Sarada's POV. It does not follow the anime exactly. I gave it an M rating for the language and sexual references but I'm not sure if I should include an actual lemon scene in it.

Please review and let me know if I should continue it.

 **Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto**

Chapter 1

 **Sasuke**

"Tadaima"

Twelve years. I have been away from them for twelve long years. The house is not familiar as my beautiful wife has destroyed five houses already. In the last letter she sent to me, she assured me that Yamato built this one extra strong so it can withstand her temper.

She is a force to be reckoned with when angry and when in the throes of pleasure. I hope the house is built strong because I'm going to unleash twelve years of pent up sexual tension on her hot body as soon as..

"Okaeri nasai, anata"

Her voice filters through the air and hits me like one of her punches. She walks in and the sight of her takes my breath away. My face is still impassive but she knows how I feel. She always knows.

She looks so fucking sexy as she walks up to welcome me home. Her bright green eyes sparkling, full lips smiling. Her hair is long again; I can't wait to grab a fistfull of it tonight. My thought were interrupted when I caught a flash of her pale soft skin as she walked towards me. What the fuck? I hope she doesn't leave the house looking like that!

"I missed you so much anata!" and she flung herself on me. Her long toned legs wrap around my hips, my arms instinctively wrap around her curvy body and I angle my head down to capture her rosy lips with mine. She smells like wildflowers and she tastes like heaven. I feel my cock hardening as her already damp core is grinding on me."

"Ewwwwww mama! What the hell are you doing?"

And like jumping in a cold lake, I release my blushing wife to see my daughter for the first time is so long. She looks just as beautiful as Sakura, the only thing she has of me is the black hair and black eyes.

"Gomen Sarada-chan, I got a little carried away."

"Papa, is that really you?" My heart constricts as she smiles shyly at me. I actually feel a smile tugging at my lips.

"Hai, I'm home"

"Come on in anata, dinner's almost ready. Sarada, please help your father with his things." she says as she disappears into the kitchen.

Her hands were behind her back and she looked up at me in a very Sakura-esque manner.

"Papa?"

"Hun, what is it?"

"How long are you staying for?" she asked innocently. She is reminding me more and more of Sakura with each passing second. I reach out and poke her on the centre of her forehead before ruffling her hair.

"I'm here to stay Sarada, my mission for the Hokage is finished."

Taking off my traveling cloak and handing it to her, I head in the direction of Sakura's chakra.

Sarada

" _I'll see how long you'll be really staying here for, you will not take my mama away from me old man."_ Sarada thought to herself. If he thinks he can just waltz back in our lives after abandoning us for so long, he's got another thing coming shannaro. Long mission my ass!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Sasuke**

Dinner was great, we talked and catched up. Sarada animatedly filled me in on all her antics with her friends at school. I wasn't surprised to know that she was top of her class, she is my daughter and an Uchiha after all.

While Sakura was washing the dishes and Sarada left the room to take out the trash, I stole the opportunity to embrace my sexy wife from behind, letting my hands wander over her tight little body.

"I missed you so much anata."

"I missed you to"

"Anata, Sarada will come back in just now."

"I'm going to fuck you so hard tonight you won't be able to walk for a week."

"A-anata, don't say things like that, you're making me so wet."

As my hand goes to dip into her pants to see just how wet she really is the door bangs open loudly as my daughter and company walks in.

"Oi Teme! Welcome back dattabayo!"

"Be quiet dope!" What the fuck is he doing here this hour?

"Hi Sakura-chan! Did you make any ramen?"

"Hi Naruto, I was expecting you earlier but figured you got held up at the office. Sit down and I'll bring you your dinner."

"I sure love your cooking Sakura-chan, you don't have to tell me twice!"

"Why are you here bugging my wife dope?"

"Uncle Naruto is always here papa, he's like my 2nd dad." Sarada says with a smirk.

What the fuck? I watch in horror as my family talk and chat with the blonde intruder as if I'm not here! He's sitting in my fucking seat, Sarada is beaming at him as if he is her hero and Sakura is feeding him! What the hell does Sarada mean by '2nd dad'. I'm the only dad. Does this mean I'm the 2nd husband?

My eyes flash to my wife, she is all smiles and blushes, wearing a sexy black fitted crop top and black leggings. Her toned stomach exposed for everyone to see!

My wayward thoughts were interrupted when she asks about his family. That's right, he has a family. Then why the fuck is he here with mine?

"Naruto, when is Hinata and the kids coming back from their visit with her dad?"

"They'll be here tomorrow dattabayo! She called and invited you and Sarada over for dinner. I'll have to tell her the teme is back.."

I tune him out and relax. I feel a little stupid at thinking Sakura would actually cheat on me with Naruto of all people.

"Hey Sasuke teme, are you listening?"

"No"

"See what I'm talking about Sarada-chan, he's so mean to your poor uncle Naruto!"

"Papa, don't be mean to my uncle Naruto! He's the greatest ninja in the world."

"Sarada, your papa is a great ninja too ya'know"

"I know mama, so are you! But uncle Naruto is Hokage!"

"Hun" Great, this is what I get for being away protecting the village for so long. My daughter hero worshiping the dope. I hope she hates ramen.

"Let's spar tomorrow teme, it's been awhile since I let loose."

"Omg! That's so awesome uncle Naruto! But don't beat the old man to bad, he just got home." she says with a devious smirk.

Tch, old man? Fucking dope is going to get his ass kicked.

"Fine."

After the dope leaves, I went to get a quick shower expecting my wife naked on the bed waiting for me. Unfortunately that was not going to happen as Sarada was sitting on Sakura's lap while she combed her hair. Thank Kami I wore my towel.

I'm a lucky bastard to have such an amazing family. I leave them to go change quietly. When I came back Sarada and Sakura was fast asleep.

 **Sarada**

Chuckling quietly like an anime villain, she changes for bed, picks up her hairbrush and goes into her mama's room. No way is that dirty old man touching her mama tonight or any other night!

 _I've slept over at aunt Ino's house, I heard what goes on in their bedroom, especially when uncle Sai comes home from a mission. I know what papa wants to do with my precious mama! Boruto and I stole uncle Kakashi's dirty orange book while Himawari distracted him with her cuteness._

"Mama, can you brush my hair? I want it to look pretty like yours." she ask with large shimmering puppy dog eyes that looks so much like Sasuke's. How could she refuse?

"Of course sweetie, come on up."

Not skipping a beat, she scrambles up on the large bed and sits in her mama's lap.

"Where is papa?" the little Uchiha asks sweetly.

"He's taking a shower, he should be done in a bit." _Oh please kami-sama don't let my anata walk in here naked!_ Sakura thought as she brushed her daughter's raven hair.

"I really missed my papa! I love him so much, can I sleep here with you and papa? Like a family?" Sarada asked hopefully.

"You papa would love that!" _He wouldn't mind right? He held on for 12 years what's one night?_

 _Take that old man!_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sasuke

 _I should have slept outside._

That was my first thought as I got smacked in the face for the 10th time since climbing into bed. _She sleeps like Naruto!_ I thought this would be a good start to reconnect with my family; I remember when Sarada was now born, we slept like this, with her protected between us. I never thought I would ever be so happy, but Sakura made it possible, she never gave up on me.

When Sakura and Sarada asked if we could sleep like that again, how could I say no? As much as I wanted to pound into my hot wife, I wanted to be a family again as I've denied them both my presence. It was nice to know that Sarada wanted to be so close to me, I would never admit it but I was kind of worried (not scared, because Uchiha Sasuke does not get scared like some pussy) that she would resent me for not being present in her and her mother's life but I guess I was worried for nothing.

 _SMACK!_

 _FUCK! That's going to leave a bruise._ Sleeps like the dope and hits like Sakura. This is not what I had in mind when I agreed to this but if it makes my family happy…

 _SMACK! PUNCH! KICK!_

 _GAH! RIGHT IN THE FUCKING NUTS! I CAN'T BREATHE!_

Fuck this shit. I quietly remove myself from the bed. I guess I could sleep in the guest room.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sarada

 _Hehehehehe Take that old man! Shannaro!_

Snuggling up to my mama, I take stock of my accomplishments thus far; I've managed to keep him and his dirty hands of my mama, deprived him of sleep, kicked him out of bed and...hehehehehe, if he thinks he's going to catch a few hours sleep in the guest room he's got another thing coming!

Just before I changed for bed, I went into the bedroom and left a surprise for my papa. Shino sensei was teaching us about his bugs and Boruto and I burrowed (not stole) some of his bugs to build a bug army.

I know it sounds silly but we're kids and kids build bug armies with their friends! Boruto gave them to me to hide because aunty Hinata was finding all uncle Naruto's underwear with holes in them and recognized the damage as she and Shino-sensei were on the same team, so before we got caught, the bugs ended up in my hands.

Now, those bugs are going to end up all over papa as I emptied them on the sheets. _I hope they infect him with some rare bug disease!_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sasuke

 _That was of of the worst nights I've had in such a long time._

Stretching my bruised muscles, I walk into the kitchen and sit at the table. Sakura is already up and making breakfast with Sarada helping her. Sneaking a tiny smile at my two girls making breakfast (I'm such a lucky bastard). Whatever they're making sure smells good….

"ANATA! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU!

"MAMA! LANGUAGE!"

"Hehe, sorry honey"

"Huh?" I feel fine, what's she talking about?

"Papa, what the cuss happened to your skin? You look like like you spent the night with Akamaru, hehehehe"

My skin?

Looking down, my eyes widen in irritation ( because Uchiha Sasuke does not gasp in horror like a pussy) at the patches of red irritated skin.

"It's all over your face Anata! You do look like you've slept in the same bed as Akamaru hehe, am I not pretty enough for you?"

"It's not funny."

"It totally is papa!"

SNAP!

What the fuck was that? Turning my head to Sarada, I see her quickly put something away..

SNAP!

Huh? I turn to Sakura to see a strange device in her hand. "Sakura, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing. Here eat your breakfast and I'll go get some ointment to rub on your skin." She kisses me on the cheek and slides a plate of toast and eggs with lots of tomatoes and bounces of to the get the medicine with that strange device clasped in her hands.

"I got up early and made breakfast just for you papa, so eat up!" Her cheeks are flushed and she has the brightest smile plastered on her face. Not skipping a beat, I shoveled a large mouthful of eggs in my mouth and…

 _GAG! SO. NASTY. FUCKING EAT IT SASUKE, SHE'S LOOKING, EAT THAT NASTY EGG LIKE A MAN!_

I survived Orochimaru and I can survive this. I skip chewing and just swallow; stealing a glance at my daughter; FUCK! Not the puppy eyes! They are large and watery, begging for my approval. "Best eggs I've ever had, thank you Sarada." What else was I supposed to do?

"Aren't you going to finish your breakfast papa?"

 _Gulp!_ "Of course." _SHIT SHIT SHIT!_

Taking a deep breath, I shovel the the rest my mouth all in one go and swallow. What did she put in this?

"You're the best papa! Mama never lets me in the kitchen after I poisoned Mr. Pumpernickel."

"Poisoned?" Sasuke Uchiha, killed my poisoned eggs.

"Mmm humm"

"You poisoned Mr. Pumpernickel?"

"I didn't do it on purpose! Uncle Naruto performed the funeral, I was heart broken papa!" she cried with large fake tears. _This is too easy! He looks so uncomfortable you would swear mama was giving him an enima!_

"Papa? Could we visit his grave later? I want to introduce you him, I think you guys would have been best buddies." My daughter wants me to visit a dead pet's grave. Just make your daughter happy Sasuke, go and pay respects to a dead Mr. Pumpernickel whom was killed by poison.

"Ok"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sarada

Training ground 3

While Sasuke and Naruto spared, Sarada and friends are all huddled in the bushes laughing and plotting against her dad. Nothing good is going to come out from this.

Boruto: You're an evil genius Sarada! I can't believe he agreed to go see a fake dead pet! Hahahaha! I totally want in on this! Pranking Sasuke Uchiha is on my bucket list dattabasa!

Sarada: Yea, that's why I called you guys here. I need help to mess with him till he leaves.

Shikadai: This is troublesome, why are you messing with your old man?

Sarada: He abandoned me and made mama cry all the time! And I know what he wants to do to my mama, and no way am I getting a sibling, I too old for that shit!

Mitsuki: Sibling?

Chouchou: Yea sibling, as in her dad is going to impregnate her mom with his Uchiha sperm and make babies because that's what adults do, especially when they've been away from each other for prolonged periods of time and considering how long those two were separated, he's definitely gonna want to tap that ass.

Inojin: Chouchou is right, and when aunt Sakura gets knocked up, all our moms are going to get baby fever. Next thing you know, we would all have siblings!

Mitsuki: I won't blame him, Mrs. Uchiha-san is so hot!

Everyone: "_"

Boruto: I have a sister, and she's the best!

Sarada: She is Boruto-baka, that's because there isn't a large age gap.

Boruto: Humm, you have a point there Sara-chan. I'm definitely in but I'll be taking preventative measures at home, I don't like the idea of old ramen breath coming near my moms either.

Shikadai: Im in. My mom is already crazy, I don't need to add hormonal to that.

Inojin: So am I, my parents are gross enough with their sex, you guys know how competitive aunt Sakura and mom can get. Imagine the two of them competing for who gets knocked up first.

Chouchou: My money would be on aunt Sakura. 12 years is a long time and that's a lot of sperm.

Mitsuki: I'm in as well, I am not sure how my parent reproduced but I'm sure it wasn't good.

Everyone: "_"

We all huddled together to take down our dads. I'm glad my friends are helping as I don't know how long I can keep my papa away from mama.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Papa, can you offer a few words, seeing that you missed the funeral and all" Sarada asked sweetly. I should get an award for my acting skills, it's taking everything not to bust of laughing at how uncomfortable papa looks. I hope Boruto is getting all this.

Because as Sasuke struggles to find words to say to a dead animal, Boruto and Mitsuki hiding in the bushes recording the poor Uchiha.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, it's not like you knew him or anything" I say as I fidget with my fingers.

 _Come on Sasuke! Don't disappoint your babygirl!_

"Ah, Umm, hello Mr Pumpernickel, I am Uchiha Sasuke, Sarada's papa. I wished I had gotten the opportunity to meet you as Sarada said you were the best pet in the world. The poisoning was an accident, and you died, so ah I couldn't. Thank you for being her friend and companion when I couldn't be here for her. Rest in peace."

"That was beautiful papa, do you want to meet the rest of the family? They're buried across the river. "

 _What the fuck!_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

AN: Hi! Sorry this was short, I'm really sleepy! Please review! Thanks


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Hey everyone! I know I haven't t updated his fanfic in forever! I was going to take it down but I absolutely hate not finishing things so I left it alone and just yesterday I got inspired to continue it._

 _I experimented with writing from the author's POV (tried! I am not a professional) to see if things flowed better this way. Let me know if you prefer it from this perspective._

 _Just a gentle reminder that characters are written OOC and does not follow everything from both the Naruto and Boruto series. There will be lemons in the near future so if you don't like that kinda thing then….you know….._

 **This chapter is rated M for adult content and lots of swearing and references to drug use.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Uzumaki House

1 week later

A very irate Hokage of the hidden leaf village was casting dirty looks to his smug looking son as they ate their breakfast.

Shoveling eggs in his mouth, his glare intensified as he recalled every little trick his son and his gang of friends (including his innocent Sarada) has been pulling on him.

He knows people thinks he's and idiot but he didn't win the title of Hokage off a poker match! Uzumaki Naruto was a brilliant dumb person and he would be damned if he didn't get to fuck his wife today!

Just yesterday, Boruto had a stomach ache, claimed he didn't dodge Sarada's chakra enhanced punch quick enough. Yeah right! Whining like a princess into to wee hours of the morning; by the time Hinata came to bed, she was too tired to do the naughty dance with me! He thought angrily as he gulped his juice.

All fucking week has been the same! By Wednesday he realised that it was utter bullshit. All the unused semen must have boosted his brain juices because no way in hell can Boruto consecutively keep me away from his mom that efficiently.

He put two and two together and got his answer. Sarada.

Let's face it, my son is a smart idiot just like me so the brains of this sick operation is none other than my little princess Sarada.

Why Sarada why? Naruto thought as he washed the dishes having finished eaten his breakfast. He decided to clean up before he left so Hinata could get some more rest. She has some catching up to do, he thought as he scrubbed a pot.

Why would anyone want to do something so, so monumentally FUCKED Up like this? This is the most twisted prank ever existed, why would they suddenly decide to prevent me from sleeping with my wife? By all accounts, it's makes no sense.

Maybe I should talk to the teme about this, it's his kid behind this, I just know it. She's the daughter of not one but two legendary sannin, and one of them has a massive brain behind a large forehead.

Walking along the street, grumbling to himself about the perils of reproduction, the blonde Hokage spots the pineapple spiked head of his chief advisor and friend stomping along the road as he headed towards the Hokage's office.

"Hey Shikamaru! Wait up will ya!" he yelled loud enough to scare the shit out of a little old lady packing her fruit stall.

The shadow user halted mid step and slowly turned his head to glare at his friend. Upon noticing his narrowed glare, the blonde, who is not one to beat around the bush, confronted him when he reached his side.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

"Fuck you Naruto. FUCK. YOU. In the ass, with no fucking lube!" the usually calm and level headed man yelled back. To angry to give a shit about cussing out the Hokage in the middle of a crowded street.

"HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"

"What's my problem? What's _MY_ problem?" he shouted the second question more louder than the first for dramatic effect. " oh I don't know, maybe it's the fact that I haven't been laid in a fucking week!" he says through clenched teeth, not wanting poor old ladies knowing about his personal life.

"How is that my fault? If you wanna fuck your wife, I'm not stopping you! By all means, fuck your wife! Unless your real problem is down south"

" _your spawn_ is the fucking problem! He has somehow convinced my son into partaking into this sick prank he's come up with."

"MY SPAWN!" Naruto yelled as he got in Shikamaru's face and grabbing his collar to give him a shake.

"Yea! Your _SPAWN of Uzumaki stupid!_ Shikamaru yelled, grabbing Naruto's collar to shake him just as hard. He would not back down because he's the Hokage.

"Fuck you ya lazy goatee wearing mother fucker!"

"Fuck you ya waste of ejaculate!"

The Hokage and his advisor were choking each other out in the middle of a crowded street, on a beautiful Friday morning while cussing each others ears blue. Naturally, when one is involved in a heated argument, one does not pay attention to the crowd of onlookers holding cell phones.

-0-0-

Walking along a crowded street, a very disturbed shinobi was making his way to the Hokage's office. Sasuke Uchiha is a proud man and asking for advice is not an easy task for him. Especially when said advice is going to come from the dope.

Whoever said eating humble pie is delicious should get stabbed with a kunai right between their eyebrows. So here he is, walking grumpily to ask the idiot for advice on how to deal with his daughter.

Why is he grumpy? Well, first off, his only child hates his guts, that much is obvious from spending only one week under the same roof. Secondly, he is being thwarted by an adolescent and her friends. Oh how people would laugh at the great Sasuke Uchiha, war hero and total badass is being driven out of his mind by a bunch of fucking kids. Oh and let's not forget the fact that since he came home he hasn't slept in the same room as his wife, much less actually _sleep_ with his wife.

He scrubbed his hand down his face in frustration just thinking about it. While travelling, his self-inflicted celibacy was easily something to not fret over, but not this. This is fucking hell! At first he cursed God for this punishment, but then quickly dismissed the idea that this was God's doing. No being is this cruel.

Just imagine your beautiful, sexy wife with her toned little body walking around the house doing stuff with no bra on and tight fitting clothes. Just imagine how wet and tight she would be when you finally enter her after so long.

It was torture for Sasuke Uchiha.

He was close to a full blown nervous breakdown after his daughter's antics from last night. He swore his hands itched to punch her right in the throat after she confessed to having inappropriate thoughts about Kakashi. Apparently, she wants to marry his old perverted sensei so she can she his face.

It was complete bullshit, but Sakura ate it all up as stayed up all night counciling Sarada about the inappropriateness of such feelings. Another night lost. I could have been balls deep in Sakura's tight pussy but nooooooo.

Anyways, having violent thoughts towards one's offspring is a cry for help. So here he is, walking towards the dope. He couldn't go to Kakashi, not after the nightmares he had about his baby girl marrying him. Actually, he is positive he never wants to see his old sensei again. Ever.

"Fuck you ya lazy goatee wearing mother fucker!"

"Fuck you ya waste of ejaculate!"

His head snaps up. Naruto? He spots his golden head in a crowd of people. A crowd of people with those devices his daughter and wife like to tease him with. That's not good.

While seeing his best friend getting choked out by Shikamaru Nara is hilarious, seeing the Hokage choking back his advisor in the street is not OK.

Stomping towards the two idiots, making the hand seals for a chidori, he realised two things; Naruto's vocabulary has improved, he never knew the blonde knew such complex words,and two, Shikamaru is a crazy fucker when pissed.

 _Chidori!_

 _-0-0-_

Meanwhile, across town in a cute little cafe, the mothers of Konoha's new generation of pranksters were gathered to laugh at the antics of their children and toll its taking on their husbands.

"Guys, I don't know if Sasuke could take much more of this, I thought he was going to chidori Sarada across the kitchen table." the pink haired beauty says as she whipped the tears from her eyes. She hasn't laughed this hard since Ino's bachelorette party.

"I caught Shikamaru crying in the bathroom" Termai confessed. Another round of laughter was shared throughout the table at the expense of poor Shikamaru.

"Naruto has been stress eating, he has gained 15 pounds this week." Hinata added.

"If you think that's bad, Sai has been jerking of so much, he sprained his hand! Ino choked out through her laughter.

"I've got something better, I caught Choji eating one of my underwear! It was my expensive pair too!" Karui tossed in.

"I-I can't breathe!"

"I wasn't ready!"

"Did he eat the entire thing?"

"No fucking way!"

They were laughing so hard, people were beginning to stare. It's not often people got to see the strongest konichi of their generation laughing like hyenas over brunch.

"So Sakura, when did you figure it out? I was so shook to not realise what Inogen has been up to." the blonde asked slyly.

"The second night after Sasuke came back home actually. I thought he was going to have an aneurism!"she says with a mischievous smirk.

"And you let Sarada and our kids continue? You got some balls Sakura , didn't know you had it in you." Temari says proudly at her friend.

"Well, as much as I love my husband, I think a week or two would humble him a bit. Besides, it's a good opportunity to bond with Sarada."

"If I'm honest, I am kind of glad for the week off, Naruto, bless his soul, is one thirsty motherfucker! There are days when I can't even walk straight!" Hinata confessed, chuckling at her friends' shocked expressions.

Sakura: Wow Hinata, I haven't heard you swear since the pig's bachelorette party!"

Karui: Ohmyfuckinggosh! That night was the fucking bomb! Blondie, you sure know how to party!

Ino: Go bold or go home!

Sakura: oh fuck, you guys remember when Temari bit some chics ear off!

Temari: Bitch shouldn't have been talking shit (sips her tea)

Hinata: Guys! We totally need to go out! I say we get dressed in our most sluttiest outfits and go paint the town red! Hey Sakura, you think you could score some of that funny smelling plant from the lab?"

Sakura: you mean cannabis? Who are you and what have you done to my sweet Hinata? Oh.. BTW, we just got a new strain last week, What did you name it again pig?

Ino: Hehehehe, I named it Unicorn Jizz. That shit would make you taste the rainbow!

Temari: So that's what you two do all day in the hospital? If that's the case then sign me up!

Karui: I second that!

Hinata: Wouldn't Tsunade-sama be pissed if she knew what you two are doing in the lab?

Sakura: Who do you think gave us our first blunt?

Ino: So are we on tonight?

Everyone: Heck yea!

Hinata: So guys, what have you been doing to make matters worse for your dear husbands? I'm running out of Ideas here. Boruto said he had a stomach ache and I decided to sleep in his room just till Naruto fell asleep. I don't know what else to do!

Sakura: Well, I have been going braless since I Wednesday. The poor guy was literally panting like a dog in heat! Ooooh and I have been letting him touch me, you know..intimately, but I time it to when Sarada comes home or just before I leave for work. Give him a taste and then head out.

Karui: I may have been spilling food on my tits 'accidentally'.

Ino: I've been leaving my shopping bags of sexy lingerie laying around the house for him to find. Let his imagination to the rest.

Temari: I've been touching him whenever I get the opportunity. Little things, like a brush against his arm, my fingers in his hair. I swear I haven't messed with his mental this much since we started dating.

Sakura: I haven't teased Sasuke ever! Whenever he wanted me, I gave myself willingly.

Karui: I know what you mean, Uchiha Sasuke is one fine ass motherfucker! God damm he is hot! I would do the same thing if he was my man.

Ino: You are not alone honey, I would climb that like a tree!

Temari: Sorry Sakura, I would not deny hotness. If he was single, I would rape him in a dark alley.

Hinata: Naruto says he is very well endowed, you're so tiny, how to you take it all?

Sakura: Fuck all you bitches!

Ino: Relax forehead, we're just teasing. I would keep an eye on Temari doh, that bitch is violent.

Temari: Believe it!

Karui: One blonde yelling 'believe it' is enough.

Ino: How about we make things more interesting? All this talk of teasing our loving husbands has got me thinking

Sakura: Guys, be warned! When the pig thinks, shit is about to go down.

Ino: hehehehehe. Let's bet on our husbands. Whoever lasts the longest, wins.

Temari: I like where this is going.

Karui: What's the catch?

Ino: Glad you asked. The catch is, we have to be our sluttiest, most tempting selves. Make them want us so bad they would smack they mama.

Hinata: You are so bad Ino! I'm in!

Sakura: You don't have to tell me twice.

Temari: I'm in as well.

Karui: So am i. What does the winner get?

Ino: Hummm. Oh! The winner gets a free weekend to the hot springs in Tea Village and she gets unlimited babysitting from any of us, her choice.

Hinata: Awesome!

Giggling like a bunch of teenagers, the five kunoichi make their plans to party later that evening. They do not see the news report of the Hokage and his advisor getting chidoried by an angry Uchiha.

-0-0-

After chidoring the stupid out of his idiot best friend and the shadow user, the very pissed of Uchiha grabs them by their scoffs and drag their fried bodies to the Hokage's office while mumbling curses under his breath.

No one said a thing as he kicked in the Hokage's door and tossed said Hokage and his advisor unceremoniously in the office. Zero fucks were given when they slammed into the desk, causing documents to go flying in the air.

"Have you two lost your fucking minds! I could get Naruto behaving like a buffoon but not you Shikamaru, what the hell were you thinking! There is probably videos of your little lovers spat on those devices"

He was about to slam the door shut so he could finish yelling at them when he noticed the familiar faces Choji and Sai. Great! Just fucking great! The social retard and the thing that ate everything is here to join the fuck fest.

"Hey Sasuke, welcome home!. Now fuck off, I want to murder the Hokage."

"Hello traitor-kun, it is a pleasure to have you back with us, ugly must be ecstatic to have your sunny disposition in her life again. If you haven't noticed, I am being sarcastic. Now, please step aside, I'm going to kill dickless."

What the fuck is in the water? Does everyone want to murder the dope?

"Well get in line, Shikamaru was here first." At least in here no one could see Naruto getting his ass handed to him, so he could step back and enjoy the show.

"Guys relax! Shut the door Sasuke, I think I figured what's going on."

The door is closed and everyone gathers around the Hokage's desk awaiting the supreme idiot to make his revelation as to what is the cause for so much distress amongst his comrades.

He sits down, clears his desk and clasped his hands under his chin in the very best imitation of his best friend he could manage. The silence in the room is deafening as they await the verdict.

….

"It's all Sasuke's fault."

….

It takes a moment for the Uchiha to register what the idiot just said. However it does not take long for the angry glares to be directed at him.

"WHAT?" He yelled as he tossed his so called best friend his angriest Uchiha glare. Typical fucking Naruto, ever so quick to toss his ass under the proverbial bus.

"I must have fried your last brain cell because this is fucking bullshit!"

"Hummm, I think you're right Naruto, this all started since he came back." Shikamaru added as he crossed his arms in his thinking position.

With his face back in his emotionless mask he eyes his blonde friend. "Is there something I'm missing? I haven't even seen these three since I came back so please, explain to my why I am at fault."

"Uhhh yeaaa.. I'm kinda lost here as well." Choji added.

"Dickless thinks the traitor is the cause of our good for nothing brats cock blocking us. I myself, am a bit confused by this revelation." Sai says matter of factly as he tried to explain the situation to his friend.

Sasuke: "This is ridiculous. Your elevator clearly isn't going all the way up, fucking jackass."

Naruto: "Hold up, hold up..let me explain. I think Sarada is just acting out and seeing that Boruto intends to marry her one day, he is helping her with this joke to get some attention from her dad who has been MIA for the majority of her life. Clearly it's a cry for help, must be an _Uchiha_ right of passage or something."

Choji: "Yea, I get that, but why does all of them have to do this? This seems like a 'team 7' matter, no need to involve the rest of the rookie 9."

Shika: "Its obvious. Wouldn't you do the same if your comrade needed your support? If I wasn't so frustrated I would have been proud of their teamwork."

Sai: Hold the front door, Traitor-kun, did you just crack a joke? And here I thought all you were good for was trying to kill dickless and abandoning ugly, you sure put me in my place!

Sasuke: I am going to kill him.

Naruto: Whoever taught you sarcasm Sai is getting D Rank missions so far up their ass…."

Sai: Wow, hold up there dickless, I told you to keep your gay innuendos between the traitor and yourself.

Choji: Good one Sai! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Its because their so gay for each other! HAHAHAHA Naruto is always like "SASSSKKUUEEEEEE" and Sasuke is always like "NARUUUUTTOOOOOO" Hahaha Hahaha. Always fighting each other and shit… wait wait wait wait.. Does this mean that Sakura and Ino are gay for each other as well? I mean, the whole rivalry and name calling, they're always going to the hot springs together, just the two of them..

Naruto: Wow… Mind. Fuck.

Shika: Indeed. Ughhh, thanks a lot Choji, now I'm picturing them bathing naked in the hot springs. I'm going to need a cold shower and a fucking cigarette.

Sai: I wouldn't mind those two being gay for each other. As long as I get to watch. Don't look at me like that Traitor-kun, my wife is a fucking 10 but ugly.. She is an exotic creature . Each of you are liars if you never fantasized about tapping that ass.

Choji: definitely

Shika: guilty

Naruto: who wouldn't?

Sai: now now dickless, we all know you were getting off on the traitor throwing shurikens shirtless.

Naruto: FUCK YOU SAI! FUCK ALL YA'LL MOTHERFUCKERS!

Sai: Hey! I just told you I'm not into dudes! Go fuck your emo boyfriend..oohhh wait a minute, you don't have a dick so I guess you're the girl in the relationship, idk..just know that I won't judge.

Sasuke: Fuck it. I'm killing all of you. Konoha is going to have its first Uchiha Hokage _Chidori!_

Shika: Troublesome idiots. Sasuke Uchiha, you better not chidori anyone in this office damm it! Knock it off you two, or everyone is getting D Ranks!

Sai: I bet Sasuke's D stands for "dick" cause that's what he prefers.

Choji: HA HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHA I WASN'T READY!

Naruto: That was kinda funny hehe.

Shika: Could we get back to the matter at hand please! I want to go home before Shikadai comes back from training so I could get at least 2 rounds in!

Naruto: Shikamaru is right, we need to figure it out. I think what we need to do is spend some time with our kids, talk it out and move on. It's just some TLC they need, we're so busy all the time! When was the last time any of us really spent some time with our kids?

Sasuke: Well, what do you have in mind?

Shika: Well, how about we do a Sports Day? Parent and kid against parent and kid. We could arrange it for the new genin teams.

Naruto: I am Uzumaki Naruto, and I approve this sports day! Believe it!

Sasuke: Tch. Fine.

Not taking into account all the bullshit that was discussed in this office, Sasuke had to admit that it was a good idea. If Sarada was acting out because of his lack of presence in her life then he should stop undressing his wife with his eyes and try to mend what he broke between his only daughter.

He will tell her about it when she comes home after her team training, and maybe he should start teaching her some clan jutsu to bond with each other more. Some good father daughter time is just what she needs.

"Well, I'm heading out, I have to new underwear to buy my wife." Choji says as he waves goodbye.

"I will be heading home as well, I think I'm going to masterbate to beautiful and ugly washing each other's backs in the hot springs, see ya!" and he disappears in a puff of smoke, barely dodging the kunai Sasuke threw.

"Troublesome" was all Shikamaru said before he too departed, leaving a pissed up Uchiha and a hungry Hokage.

Speaking of pissed off…

Turning on his heel, the raven head Uchiha reached for the door handle of the now empty office. However, instead of stepping out and leaving the Hokage to his duties, he shuts back the door and locks it.

"Teme?"

"What was it you said about your airhead son marrying my only daughter?"

"T-T-TEME!"

" _CHIDORI!"_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _AN: Hehe hehehe why does Sasuke wants to chidori everyone? Thanks for reading, please leave a review if you wish!_


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: 'laughs nervously" hey whats up guys! You know how it is. Work. Life. Enjoy the update! Feel free to leave a review if you wish._

 _xxxxxxx_

Mitsuki

 _While the Hokage and his advisor was getting chidoried by Uchiha Sasuke in the middle of a crowded street, the younger generation of Konoha's best was gathered in training ground 3 to discuss their plans for the weekend._

 _Sarada was busy laying out the groundwork for her next move to ChoCho, her plans getting more fucked up by the second. Boruto, Shikadai and Inogen were exchanging stories about how they have been messing with their dads all week. Everyone was in good spirits while one, quiet young shinobi was standing idly by, not contributing to the conversations floating around him, but busy making plans of his own.._

Smiling happily to myself and not commenting on anything my friends were plotting has become some sort of an odd norm for me. Not having my... _parent.._ living in the village was a blessing. Can you imagine it? Can you just imagine trying to cock-block the original snake sannin? That's right, didn't think so.

This sick game has been going on for a week now and I am mildly impressed with Sarada. She not only managed to one-up her dad, but she convinced the others to follow suit. By now, there must be some really frustrated shinobi walking around Konoha with wounded egos and raging boners.

This prank would go down in the Bingo Book of pranks as the most evil, vile, engenius thing to ever come out of a teenage girl with daddy issues. Sarada Uchiha is going places.

I can't fucking stand her most times but I'll give her credit where it's due and I am more than happy to help out. Now make no mistake, she is my teammate and I have her back and she has mine ya da ya da bla bla bla, but lets get fucking real here for a second. I'm doing this for completely selfish purposes.

Everyone thinks Boruto is the sun to my moon and Sarada the unfortunate spare, but its not like that. You see, the main reason I put up with all this shit and why I'm even helping out in this at all is because..well...

I'm in love with Sarada's mom. There. I admit it.

Shocker, I know.

I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did, but isn't that how all the best love sagas go? The first time I saw Mrs. Uchiha was like a lighting bolt straight through my heart. Her infectious laugh, her sparkling jade eyes, her luscious pink locks I would just love to run my fingers through and let's not forget her banging hot body. I have soiled my sheets many a night just envisioning that little peak of creamy flesh she has exposed in that sexy outfit of hers.

She is the strongest, most beautiful, sexy and smart kunoichi to ever walk this earth! I put up with Sarada's insufferable know-it-all attitude just so I can be within smelling distance of Mrs. Uchiha's sweet tantalizing aroma. I nearly died when she put her soft hands on my body to heal a nearly fatal injury (note to self; get hurt more often so Mrs. Uchiha can touch me). It was her glowing beauty that brought me back. Then the worst thing imaginable happened.

Sasuke fucking Uchiha.

Back. For good. Here. Sleeping next to my woman!

I am aware of how crazy I sound but why! Why? Why did the wandering vagrant come back? It's not like anyone wants his emo looking ass here! I thought it was game over the second I heard he was back. Thank all the fucking gods for Sarada's quick thinking or I would be contemplating offing myself what with all the wild thoughts my adolescent self could dredge up of Mr. Uchiha putting his old emo vagabond dick in my sweet Cherry Blossom. The fucking HORROR!

No. Not happening. EVER!

I would do whatever it takes to keep Sarada's dad from doing unspeakable things with her mom. So while Sarada and the others are distracted, I' have been plotting a little something special for the emotionally constipated Uchiha. I little birdy (Inogen's dad) told me some very interesting things about Uchiha-san and Hokage-sama's _friendship._ I was a bit scandalized at first, but I have been watching them for a couple of days now and I think the little birdy was on to something.

All the witty banter, passionate arguments about petty little things, _the training sessions.._

It all points to one thing and one thing only. Uchiha-san and Hokage-samai is gay for each other.

Not that I have a problem with that. I mean, just take a look at who my parent is. I don't think Orochimaru even knows what gender he/she is now. _I think he identifies as a reptile,_ but that ain't not of my business.

Anyways, while Sarada and company come up new ways to cockblock their respective dads, I've been plotting ways in which I could get Uchiha-san and Hokage-sama to realize their love for each other.

"Hey Mitsuki, are you even paying attention?" Sarada asked exasperatedly. With her hands on her hips and a pout, she almost looked like her stunning mother. Almost. The black hair, black eyes and the personality of a chiwawa is doing her no favors.

"Mmmhumm"

"Good. You and Boruto are staying over tonight. Papa is getting crazier by the hour, I swear he was going to punch me in the throat this morning."

 _Hummm, a sleepover. Perfect. I'll start of slow, that paired with whatever Sarada has planned should drive him right into the arms of his blonde lover._

"I can't wait Sarada."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Uchiha Residence

Sakura

 _Slut dress on. Check._

 _Hair and makeup done. Check._

 _New strain of kush Tsunade cultivated, guaranteed to get you so high you'll be folding the dishes. Check_

 _Sasuke's balls. Hell fucking check._

 _Oooooo,I did not come to play with you hoes, I came to slay!_ After much deliberation, I decided to wear the _"I will steal your man"_ ' backless, hotter than sin, white spaghetti strap with peekaboo cutout just under the bust little number that I bought on a whim while shopping with Ino a month ago.

What with the thin straps and the lack of fabric to cover my back, I had to forgo a bra. Not to mention the scrap of lace that can barely pass for panties I have to wear so the lines don't show through the skin tight skirt of the dress. I decided to wear my hair pinned up and out of the way. _It would be a travisity to the male population if my exposed back was hidden behind a curtain of hair._ Lets not forget the motherfucking heels. The rose gold sandals was simple in design but made my legs look a mile long, not to mention it complimented my earrings and hair. _Fuck I look good._

I am not a vain person (not counting my childhood obsession with my looks) but my body was fit as it was in my teenage years. Of course with the war, I paid no attention to it but as we are in a time of peace I fucking _owned that shit!_ Years of being trained (abused) by Tsunade shishou sure as fuck paid off. I maybe should have toned it down to ensure I won that bet but my inner slut was out for blood tonight. Oh yeah, its about to go down.

I just hope whatever Sarada and her friends plan to torment Sasuke-kun with isn't to much because he might go all insane again and main one (or all) of them. Oh well, what's the worst that could happen.

Xxxxx

Sasuke

The visit to Naruto was both insightful and a pain in the ass. Apparently half (or maybe all) of Konoha's male and prehaps female population has masterbated to his wife. _My WIFE! She is mine god dammit! If anyone has to get off on Sakura its me!._ I would really like to get off _in_ her at some point in time but Sarada is proving to be quite the fucking cock block.

The idea of a family sports day could be just what we need to bond. Maybe if she didn't resent me so much I might actually get to touch my wife.

Still fuming and mumbling expletives under my breath as I made my way home, oblivious to civilians pointing and pulling out their phones as I walked by, I decided then and there to do whatever it takes to win my daughter over.

 _I could take her down to the dock just outside the Uchiha compound and teach her our family's fireball jutsu._ That should keep her occupied. If she is anything like me, she would jump at the opportunity to advance her skills. According to Naruto, she aims to be Hokage one day.

I step inside and take of my shoes and cloak. I'm greeted not by my wife but a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. I walked in to see Sarada wearing her mom's apron cooking up a storm with the dunderhead duo helping out.

 _Why did my child have to get paired with the wasted ejaculate of Orochimaru AND Naruto? I change my mind about some divine force out to get me, clearly I am being punished for being such a cunt as a kid._ They were cooking away when Boruto noticed me standing in to doorway.

"Uncle Sasuke, what's up!" Boruto all but yelled at me. I was hoping some of Hinata would have passed on to her eldest but Naruto's obnoxiousness prevailed. I'm still holding out hope for the other kid.

"Boruto, why do you have to be so loud! You and Mitsuki could go set the table now." Sarada says. She sounds just like her mother used to when she was admonishing Naruto for being an idiot. "Welcome home papa! I would ask how your day was but I already know it was tedious, what with uncle Naruto and Uncle Shika _and you_ fighting in the street like animals."

 _Great, now I am being chastised by my own kid._ "Huh? How did you know about that?" I asked as I moved to sit at the table. As I was speaking to Sarada, I couldn't help but notice the lab experiment kept eyeballing me. _I need to watch that kid, I keep getting this weird vibe from him._

"Oh, it was all over the news papa! I laughed my head of when uncle Naruto was choking out uncle Shika and then you swooped in and chidoried everyone! It was awesome!"

 _What the fuck! How did that end up one the..ooooh wait, the devices! Those things are really advanced. Fuck!_

"Hun" What else could I say? That I am retarded when it comes to technology? I would rather chidori myself than admit my ignorance. I would have to get one of those devices myself.

While I was pondering all the things I could possibly do with one of those devices, Sarada and her friends were at the table and was staring at me.

"You only set the table for four, where is your mother?"

"She's getting ready. She and the girls are going out tonight so I volunteered to handle dinner."

"She didn't tell me she was going anywhere." I said trying my best not to sound annoyed.

"Mama has been working so hard at the hospital and taking care of me _all on her own,_ I think this would do her some good. She works to much."

 _Great, now I feel like an ass._ "Hun, you're right."

I was about to take my first bite when I looked up and saw Sakura. I did not notice my chopsticks falling from my grasp, I did not hear Sarada and Boruto complimenting her and I did not notice Mitsuki perving out on her. I was bewitched. She looked so. Fucking. HOT! Thank god I was already sitting or I would have scared three kids for life after seeing my very evident erection that was thankfully hidden under the table.

She looked so good that I could just picture myself tearing off that scrap of cloth disguised as a dress right off her sinful body and fucking her mercilessly right there on the dining table. Then suddenly, like a bucket of ice being thrown on my head, I remembered all the comments the others were making about imagining _my wife_ doing unspeakable (but hot) things. To another woman no less! _And no, I will not admit that the idea of Sakura making out with fucking Ino of all people. Maybe Temari...or perhaps both of them..?_

"I must say Mrs Uchiha, you look positively ravishing tonight." Mitsuki leered at my wife. That little fucking shit. If he keeps this up...

"Thank you Mitsuki-kun, and I told you, you can call me Sakura." She giggled completely ignoring the kids lecherousness.

"Of course. How could I forget Sa-ku-ra..chan"

"Oh, you're too adorable Mitsuki-kun" She says as she bent down to ruffle his hair.

That's when I saw the little shit staring at my wife's breasts. I nearly choked when he licked his lips while staring. He then looked up at me and winked! _THAT FUCKER!_ He saw me see him and he winked! In my own house, in my kitchen.

"By Sasuke-kun, don't wait up ok. Love you." I am ashamed to say that I was distracted my wife placing her plump lips on mine for a quick peck. Moving like lightning, I grabbed her head and deepened the kiss, not caring of the audience. I looked up and winked back at the little albino twat. _Take that motherfucker! Sakura is mine!_

"Sasuke-kun, not in front of the kids!" She pouted in that adorable way she knows I like. If it wasn't for the kids I would have had my cock buried deep inside her for that pout.

"By guys, take it easy on my husband tonight, I want him in one piece when I get home." _Oh Ooooh fuuuucccckkk..I just came in my pants._

"Bye aunt Sakura, have fun!"

"Bye mom, don't worry about papa, I'll look after him."

"Good bye my beautiful cherry blossom."

 _That kid is so dead. Maybe I could drown him in the lake when I carry Sarada to train._

"Don't worry papa, mama can handle herself. After she punched that sand ninja into another century, other pretty much backed off."

"Hun" Sarada is very perceptive, just like me.

"I have some news for you" Might as well tell her now. That and I need the distraction. I might really end up in prison if I murder a kid.

"What is it papa, are you leaving again?" she says a little to happily.

"Are you ready to admit your feelings for Hokage-sama?" Mitsuki interjected with that creepy closed-eye smile perverts are known to favor.

"Hey! What the fu- hell Mitsuki! My old man don't swing that way dattabasa!"

"What! No I do not have romantic feelings for the dope. I was going to say that the Hokage as decided to host a family sports day in the village."

"Oh wow, that's awesome! Uncle Naruto is so smart, and amazing and his eyes are so blue. Have you ever noticed how blue is eyes are papa?"

 _What the fuck! What is this obsession with older men?_

"I bet he knows how blue they are." Mitsuki added which was quickly followed by a yell from Boruto.

"I thought it would be a great idea to learn the Uchiha clan's secret jutsus." I said as I completely blocked out Mitsuki's comments about my sexual orientation.

"Really? Ah.. Oh, ok papa." she says a little hesitantly. An old habit of her mother's. _Her mother. I'm soo going to get her for this stunt she thinks she's pulling. Revenge is a dish served cold._

"Umm papa…"

"What is it Sarada?"

"I just wanted you to know that it's OK that you and Uncle Naruto are in love. I think mama knows, heck I think the whole village knows.."

"Sarada, Wtf! My dad is not in love with your dad!"

"Denial is not a good look for you Boruto" Mitsuki smirked. "it's very obvious."

"I am not gay."

"Not with that haircut Uchiha-San"

"Or the 'quality bonding time' you spend with Uncle Naruto."

"Or the late night talks you and my dad like to have on the roof. Just the two of you. In the moonlight. Under the stars. Sarada, please walk me to the back of your house and kindly slit my throat."

"I will chidori the next person who says improper about this " _relationship"_ I don't have with the dope"

"Awww, and he has a cute pet name for him. Don't worry Sarada, I'll be there for you and your mom when he runs into the sunset with his blonde blue-eyed lover."

 _That fucking does it!_

 _CHIDORI!_

 _xxxxxxx_


End file.
